Who is writing your menu?
If you have ever made the choice to try cocaine, do bungee jumping, go to a salsa class, go fishing, do some studies, attend conferences, visit a restaurant or simply follow an account on Instagram is most probably because someone you know has done it, has recommended to do it or told you about it.
We highly underestimate the power the people around us have over “our decisions”. We all experience “ the illusion of freedom of choice” or “the illusion of free will”; The perception that we make decisions ultimately with no influence of others and we do it completely free.
An illusion because in order to make a decision first we need to choose from a menu of options that are in our brain. We “choose” from that menu, but We do not decide what is on the menu.
We rarely realize that the menu has clearly not all options.
You might be thinking on studying economics or accounting but probably never thought on Horology; a three year long Bachelor by The University of Birmingham focused on “..the Arts and Science of time measurement” because it is not on the menu, probably you may have never heard of or maybe you just forgot about it.
You might be living in a religious environment and perhaps you are asking yourself whether you should pray more, or less, how many sins are you allowed to make, but maybe you have never considered converting into another religion or becoming an atheist, simply because these choices are not on the menu of your options.
The menu is limited.
Considering all possible options is an impossible task for the human brain.
In the future computers will assist us on this enormous task, but for now it is fundamental that in order to have a great menu we need a great surrounding. As they will motivate us to do, act, help and throw options into the menu.
Not surprisingly all biggest changes, movements, revolutions, catastrophes and advances in humankind are the result of people sharing information, influencing others and making choices based on the menu they created.
For good or for bad.
Q: So, who decides what is on the menu?
A: Our surroundings…. (Not only is our surroundings, but our genetics and yes, a lot of luck too but the surrounding is the only factor we might have influence on)
What happen when you have some luck and good surroundings?
Lets compare these two cities which are close to each other: Tijuana (TJ) and San Francisco (SF);
- If you are born in TJ, you have 22 times more probability to get murdered than if you are born in SF.
- Only 20% of population in TJ finishes College, in SF 76%.
- SF area has 3 of the top 10 best Universities the world. There is no ranking where any University in TJ is showing in the top 1000.
- The average salary in San Francisco is 4.3 times higher than the average of TJ
- SF has more than 270 museums, TJ has 6.
- SF and its people around have contributed to the creation of; Google, LinkedIn, Apple, Oracle, Sun Microsystems, The Atomic Bomb, Digital Music, The Internet, Tesla, Ebay, PayPal, GAP, Netflix, Instagram, Nike, ….. on the other side, TJ is where the Caesar Salad was invented.
Have the drug-dealers and smugglers in Tijuana been provided with a menu of all choices before choosing those illicit activities? Not really, the menu is very limited, the surrounding hostile with both drug-dealing and smuggling being “familiar” activities. These people are just unlucky to born in that city, having a childhood/adulthood surrounded by others facilitating drug dealing or smuggling.
What if the same people instead of Tijuana would have been born few hundred kilometers north in San Francisco, attend Stanford University together with Reed Hastings (Netflix), Larry Page (Google) or Phil Knight (NIKE)?, what if this people would have been surrounded by the same people Steve Jobs and all others were surrounded by?
The surrounding has an enormous impact on who we are and what we do, this creates a need of belonging, and as a consequence we do things (sometimes illegal) we do not really understand why we do them just for the sake of belonging or.. surviving.
The need for belonging is not only to cities but to our friends and families. This is the need that pushes us to accept going to a friend’s house for dinner when we do not want, to attend an event even when is deeply boring for us. The need of belonging is bigger than the decision of saying no to our friends. We have a strong need to feel accepted.
But we also have the need of feeling unique and authentic, so within this bubble or menu is where we find our individuality; “I go to Stanford instead of CALTECH”.
“People like us do things like this”
Seth Godin
Our friends, family and acquaintances have a huge influence on our decisions, on what is on the menu.
If We follow the stories of Amy Winehouse, Alexander McQueen or AVICI, We see that the moment they committed suicide or passed away with overdose was the moment when their surroundings were the “wrong” ones or they had lost their “right” ones.
Ultimately the people around you can influence your decision whether if you want to continue living or not.
No wonder why the longest-running study on happiness ever made has very clear conclusions on finding fulfillment (happiness): STAY CONNECTED, relationships and people around us (when the right ones) makes us happy.
We should think deeply on choosing who do we want to be surrounded by, it is a very difficult task that will last forever; as we may pursue a change in our life that might require a change in our friends.
We do not need people who think like us, we need to surround ourselves with people who will make us better, who will challenge us, help us in our darkest moments and push us to do the impossible. And maybe, just maybe dropping some new great things into our menus. When achieved; this is one of the most gratifying things in life.
Take this post, someone writing someone publishing.
You will find a meaning of life when you realize you are becoming a better version of yourself thanks to the choices you have made, choices you picked from a menu, a menu written by your surroundings, the surroundings you have chosen to be with.
Choose wisely.
